At a young age, I experienced physical and mental abuse from those meant to protect me. This abuse traumatized my little soul and I failed to learn how to most beneficially release stress and work through trauma. At around age 4, I learned to live in a constant state of fight/flight/freeze/fawn, altering my involvement with the world depending on the assumed threat I was confronted with.

Over the years, my trauma compounded, and my stress levels swooned beyond healthy heights. These habits washed over into my career and all I knew was how to operate from a state of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. I was overwhelmed, exhausted, and anxious all the time. I didn’t know what listening to my body meant because I had become disconnected from my own home while still very young.

After years of letting corporate stress interweave with the compounded personal stress I housed within my cells, my body decided enough was enough and it was time to get my attention. One day in the spring of 2017, I felt an interesting sensation on the left side of my face. It wasn’t quite pain, but it also wasn’t comfortable. From that day on, the sensation began to intensify in severity, length of duration, and the number of occurrences, quickly turning from a weird sensation to excruciating, shocking pain.

I sought treatment from different types of practitioners to solve my mysterious case of pain. I eventually was diagnosed with Trigeminal Neuralgia in early 2018 and told that I could either: live on some serious medications for the rest of my life (we’re talking 50+ years here) or go through with brain surgery that could potentially lessen the pain I experienced. Although this was the most serious diagnosis I had ever received, I didn’t like either of those options and knew something else had to be out there for me.

And every day I lived in and with chronic pain. I let myself be consumed by the pain I was experiencing and watched the life I had spent so much time building begin to silently slip away. I could barely eat because the pain was so strong, let alone brush my teeth, wash my face, or speak for that matter. Every day, I lived debilitated. And even though I was giving my best all the time, even on the days I felt the worst, it still wasn’t enough to enliven my spirit or reduce the pain. I was wordlessly suffocating in my own demise.

Until one day in late 2018, I decided enough was enough. I realized I couldn’t find my own healing while living in the state the caused the disease in the first place – overstress and overwhelm. I put my corporate life on pause for a couple of months (I had only saved that much vacation time and couldn’t feasibly take off more than that) and went on a quest for my own wellness and healing from the pain.

I began researching what others with my condition had done to reduce or alleviate their pain. It was during this search I found several Trigeminal Neuralgia sufferers say great things about yoga asana and it was then I resolved to take at least one yoga class every day during my time away from work. While practicing yoga, I realized my relationship with my chronic facial pain changed – the pain was still there, oftentimes more intense than ever, but my reaction to the pain had moved from fear to curiosity. I was now able to see the pain from an observer's point of view and learned that I am more than the pain I felt, that my body was whole and not broken and that I, as a human being, was whole and not broken. Because of this, I was able to continue on my quest for healing.

It was through this quest that I was inspired to change my lifestyle and my relationship with stress. I realized I needed to pursue self care and mindfulness practices, to move through trauma, downregulate, and destress. I quit my corporate job of six years, which I had committed myself to completely over that time and had consistently climbed the corporate ladder. I was succeeding but to my own peril. 

After quitting the corporate world, I found the time and the means to become a Certified Yoga Instructor, taking two 200hour trainings simultaneously from Yoga Union and Primal Vinyasa™.  I wanted to bring healing to those in need, like the shift I had found during my yoga practice. It was during this shift that I met more practitioners willing to walk with me on my pain journey and navigate through resources and modalities with me.

Until finally, after several years of agonizing chronic pain, I was referred to a practitioner that was able to give me some pain relief without medications or surgery.  Since that day, my pain has drastically shifted. It no longer consumes my life. I’ve been inspired to share my story with those that have similar stories and aid them in their quest for wellness. I’ve become my own wellness champion and a wellness champion for others in chronic pain. #reMOVEpain

What I am saying here is:

You too can find relief and balance, no matter how severe your pain is or how long your journey has been.